Miley Cyrus nude in Playboy?

Likely? eh-no. Possible? meh… the offer has been extended. For a shoot to take place in three years that is of course. A countdown to Miley’s 18th birthday can be found here, which I find disturbing because she is so kiddish and non-sexual (from what I’ve seen of her anyway). The Hermione (Harry Potter) countdown was funny to me because at least the actress played a serious and mature character. Hannah Montana is way too kiddie for that kind of humor to be effective for my tastes. But anyway – about her showing her tots for a nudie magazine:

‘Playboy’ founder Hugh Hefner called 15-year-old Miley Cyrus a ‘very pretty lady’ and has floated an idea that will have the shirts at Disney and dads of teenage girls cringing – he wants Miley Cyrus to pose for Playboy.

I don’t want to over analyze the words of an 80 year old sex mag publisher, but I think it’s important to note that 15 year olds are not “ladies”. They’re older kids, and if they’re really really mature in all areas then maybe “young ladies”.

Hef had previously made the offer to not-yet-legal stars to pose, including Lindsay Lohan (who later decided to get naked for a magazine anyway and get paid much less) and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (who I’m sure will be staying clothed until their careers show a steep sign of fading). On the latter, Jack Ryan, who’s article in the Post Chronicle I’m quoting from, says:

Just before Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen turned 18, Hefner called them “every young man’s fantasy” and implored them to strip for his centerfold. Now 21, they decided to pass.

Then he uses an unfortunate word to describe miss Cyrus:

Best known to her adoring tween fans as Hannah Montana, Cyrus is a pretty 15-year-old Lolita at the moment and comes at a time when Cyrus has been fending off criticisms for her semi-naked photo shoot in Vogue magazine.

Dude.. Again: Miley Cyrus is NOT a Lolita. She’s not even a sex symbol. I’m aware that she gave a slutted up performance at an American Idol event, but come on – the rest of the time she is not in that direction. Or am I missing something huge? The term Lolita is supposed to reference a sexually matured girl 12 to 14 that preys on weak male adults for sex. I didn’t even think it was accurately applied to Amy Fisher (especially if her stories about how Joey advanced on HER first and forcefully are true), but at least she was actually doing an adult guy.

Miley Cyrus appears to be unfairly sexualized by everyone observing her when she herself has not made a deliberate attempt to go in that direction.

The unpublicized Miley Cyrus Controversey: Why does she look like a skank?

Like most, I too think its not appropriate for a 15 year old girl to be doing a topless photoshoot of any kind. The argument that it doesn’t show a lot of skin is one that misses the point by a mile. Yes, you can see more skin at the beach and yes Cyrus herself has shown more hot hot back-shoulder-and-arm action in award ceremony dresses – aren’t you clever for thinking of that. No. You’re not. The issue is about the context of such things. It’s the same reason its inappropriate for a girl to walk around in a bra and panties but notsomuch if she reveals even more skin in a bathing suit. Adults understand this.

So its by the same token that this Hannah Montana nude on a magazine cover should have been an obvious “are you fugging kidding me?” to any one of her 18million minders, handlers, agents, publicists and oh ya – parents. But whatever – the Cyrus’s say they were misled by the magazine into what the final product would actually be and are shocked and embarrassed now – okay, whatever. That’s not the point for me.

The thing I want to know why the media isn’t making a big deal about is that it’s not just that the photo is under an inappropriately sexy atmosphere, its that she looks like a thrice banged and discarded French whore.

What.. the hell… is with the pale skin, muted makeup and messy sexed hair on a gray background?? This is Tim Burton porn. I don’t get it at all.