Sperm bank depositors earning $1,000 a month

This isn’t an option for me but I totally encourage all the males reading this to go ahead and make the easy cash by doing this. I can’t because my future wife is probably a toddler right now or not born yet, so if I ever grace a sperm bank with my seed, I would only have 19 years from that date to freely date younger girls without having to check if she’s my daughter or not. It extra sucks too since the world definitely deserves more Richard. I wish there was a way to make a lot of offspring with multiple gene-worthy partners without the deal-breakers of:

1) anonymous donation equating to possible daughter being released into the wild for me to unintentionally prey upon.

2) societal stigma of having a different baby momma for each of my 13 babies.

3) the possibility of said future child rising to defeat me.

But like I said: for the rest of you, you should totally do it, especially if you’re a Viking. It’s not QUITE as easy as dropping off a vile of baby batter into a Blockbuster drop-box though…

It’s not free money, says Scott Brown, head of communications. Donors must be at least 5 feet 9 inches tall and enrolled in — or have a degree from — a four-year university. Plus, they have to pass an assortment of genetic and medical tests, screenings, not to mention an investigation into their family’s medical history to look for the early onset of heart disease, cancer, etc.

“We joke that it’s easier to get into Harvard than to get accepted in our program,” says Brown. That’s funny because it’s true — Brown estimates that only 1% of all the applications are accepted. Harvard’s acceptance rate this year was 6.9%.

Most of California Cryobank’s donors stick with it for about a year and a half, donating once or twice per week, according to Brown. Each time they donate, they’re asked to abstain from sex for 48 hours beforehand and they get $100 per donation. The sperm bank mostly recruits at colleges, and many of its donors are students at Stanford University, Harvard University, University of California at Los Angeles and so on.