Author: Richard

‘The solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child’ … Amy Chua.

At first that quote sounds pretty coocoobananas but she does say “substandard” performance, so really isn’t that just logical? What are you supposed to to with a childs substandard performance except to punish and shame them for it? That part, I’m down with. When you go into the robotic requirements of what constitute a Tiger mothers standards, THEN maybe not so much:

The Tiger, Chua explains, is “the living symbol of strength and power”, inspiring fear and respect. And as a “Tiger mother” herself, she assumed the absolute right to dictate her children’s activities and demand rigorous academic standards of them at all times, ridiculing them if necessary to spur them on to greater efforts.

Her children were never allowed to attend a sleepover, have a playdate, watch TV or choose their own extracurricular activities. They were also expected to be top in every subject (except gym and drama) and never get anything other than A-grades – because, Chua explains, Chinese parents believe it is their responsibility to ensure their children’s academic achievement above everything else.

Chua argues that western parents. with their emphasis on nurturing their children’s self-esteem and allowing free expression, have set their children up to accept mediocrity. “Western parents are concerned about their children’s psyches. Chinese parents aren’t. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently,” she says. If their child doesn’t achieve perfect exam results, the Chinese parent assumes it’s because he or she didn’t work hard enough. “That’s why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child,” Chua says. And it is crucial for a mother to have the “fortitude” to override her children’s preferences, because to enjoy anything you have to be good at it, to be good at it you have to work, and children on their own never wish to work, she adds.

Most of us know that it’s of course not true that you don’t have to be good at something to enjoy it, but it illustrates a main difference between the two cultures: When enjoyment is your main goal then you can enjoy almost anything but when success is your main goal then enjoyment only comes through excellence. The two philosophies also show the opposite ends of bad parenting: this “no fun, ever, just work to please your parents” bullshit vs Western societies “do whatever you want and that will be good because you want it and i’m your friend not your parent” bullshit. The point is: they’re both bullshit.