Author: Richard

Jennifer Love Hewitt teaches us love stuff

I previously covered Jennifer Love Hewitts new book, specifically its content on decorating her vagina with plastic jewelry, but A blogger at NPR (yes, National Public Radio has bloggers now) has pulled some choice quotes that will give us all the feeling of having read the whole thing:

JenLove gives us so many gifts, not the least of which is the introduction of “lol” into the printed word:

“Guys hate to spoon — they prefer to fork, lol!”

Let that sink in a little bit… You’ll need a clear mind to take in the next:

“This is embarrassing and personal, but once a month, since I was twelve years old, I go to my favorite jewelry store and try on my dream ring.” She is 31 years old. If this is true, she has made roughly 225 trips to the jewelry store to try on engagement rings. I do not know where to go with this.

…ya…

From the list of 20 Things To Do After A Breakup: “Make out with a stranger (he must be gorgeous or you’ll feel worse).”

Good lookin out on that “must be gorgeous” addendum. sure saved me!

From the list of 10 Things To Do Before A Date: “Spray tan is a must.”

Isn’t this obvious?

From the list of “Strikes,” where if a guy has three, you forget it: “He keeps saying ‘That’s so dumb’ when you’re talking.” Oh … Jennifer Love Hewitt. I’m so sorry that possibly might have happened to you once or twice or I’m assuming you might not have brought it up.

“Remember, your body is a temple, not a 7-Eleven.”

From the list of “What A Man Should Know”: “How to pick a diamond,” and “To always have a coat for you.” A coat for you? Always? He should always have a coat for you? And pick out diamonds? I am beginning to think that Jennifer Love Hewitt and I do not share exactly the same priorities vis-a-vis romantic situations and also who is in charge of choosing and transporting our clothing.

He’s also supposed to throw that jacket in the mud so you can walk over it (im assuming) on your way to the malt shop or picture show.

Oily hypocrites

The Oil Pollution Act of 1990 that limits BP’s monetary damages to $75 million for losses to private parties was sponsored by, amongst current names that I recognize, Nancy Pelosi (D), Barbara Boxer (D), and Joe Kennedy (D). –Dick Cheney *wishes* he was so evil.

dick cheney got oil“And who was President at that time?” was a question I got on this observation and the answer is of course Bush Sr, though thats as relevant as who was on the Supreme Court at the time since the bill came from a Democrat controlled Congress, not the Presidents desk (passed 375-5). But it’s also irrelevant because im not actually calling anyone evil – im doing the opposite: illustrating the absurdity of the lengths people go to demonize politicians instead of actually investigating the details of a certain policy.

Instead of openly debating how it may or may not be fair to add a loss limit in a bill containing a ton of other regulations and rules on oil companies to prevent such accidents or acknowledging the fact that Halliburton is the only company that can do certain jobs, we’re given smears of how “eeeevil” Dick & Dubya are because everythings a vile scam in service to their oil baron puppet masters. If we’re to believe those smears then the Dems who signed this bill must be REALLY evil and Obama must reall REALLY be a monster for doing things like awarding Halliburton a no bid contract for half a BILLION dollars. That’s an odd thing to do for someone who campaigned on the promise of not awarding any no-bid contracts over $25,000. Quick – remind me again: is 500 million more than 25 thousand?

President Bush was attacked for playing golf by critics who manufactured as much phony outrage that they could muster. Things got difficult for them when Bush stopped playing golf in 2003 because he agreed that it wasn’t a good image to be seeing the President enjoying a leisure sport while troops were engaged in combat. Since that destroys the entire smear of Bush being a heartless elitist robot that plays all day and cools off with a bottle of his own Blood of American Patriots brand of Gatorade, his haters had to scramble to turn even THAT into a “Bush is evil” meme by claiming he “lied” about not playing golf since he did in fact pick up a club after 2003 *gasp*. Good work, critics! You totally exposed a “lie” that in no way is a desperate attempt to cling on to a phony meme you invented despite being based on nothing but personal hatred!

Except now you’ve made a problem for yourselves. By inventing the ridiculous smear that a President playing golf is a soulless act that spits in the face of Lady Liberty, you fuck yourselves when the guy you like comes in and does that 8 times worse (literally).

President Obama has already played more golf than Bush ever did. 8 times more. Where as Bush canceled golf games as a symbolic gesture, Obama canceled a trip to Poland for the funeral (attendance of which is a symbolic gesture) of the Prime Minister and then played golf instead.

Obama, in his first year has already become the 8th most golf playing President in history. In one year Barack Obama has played 8 times more golf than George Bush did in 8 years.

But its all par for the course for Barry – which doesn’t make him “evil”, it makes him just as bad as any other politician who did similar unethical things. No problem there, UNLESS you call those other politicians evil corrupt manipulators and give a free pass to Obama because you like him better. That’s the definition of a hypocrite.

So here’s an idea: how bout we save the ‘that guy is evil’ stuff for real evil instead of just saying ‘its evil when THAT guy does it, but not MY guy’?”.

This is how they advertise in the UK

A quad of naked people commuted in London as part of a publicity stunt recently. The group were promoting a TV series which sees staff at struggling businesses helping to turn their company around.

Ya. I dont get it either. bug if you rode the “tube” that day in London, you got naked people carrying bags. Not with any advertisements or banners or anything. just bags. and their bare asses. okay? watevs. I’ll take it.


Mark Zuckerberg On Early Facebook Users: ‘Dumb F#cks’

An IM chat that was apparently leaked to Business Insider shows what the creator of Facebook thought of the ridiculous rubes who were actually dumb enough to trust him with their private and personal information, which even then he freely offered to anyone who wanted it.

According to SAI sources, the following exchange is between a 19-year-old Mark Zuckerberg and a friend shortly after Mark launched The Facebook in his dorm room:

Zuck: Yeah so if you ever need info about anyone at Harvard

Zuck: Just ask.

Zuck: I have over 4,000 emails, pictures, addresses, SNS

[Redacted Friend’s Name]: What? How’d you manage that one?

Zuck: People just submitted it.

Zuck: I don’t know why.

Zuck: They “trust me”

Zuck: Dumb fucks.

Good thing so much has changed since then…

Kids slut it up for Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ (VIDEO)

Earlier this week, a YouTube video surfaced from The World of Dance competition in which a group of young — and I mean really young — girls wearing midriff-baring tops, short skirts and black stockings dance to Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies.’ The dance troupe, called Precision Dance, hails from Orange County, and definitely “put a ring on it” during the competition in Pomona on April 10.

I clicked on this expecting a horrifying and heart breaking sexualization of children that will seriously mess with their heads, send horrible messages to the rest of society and generally add another block to a counter-culture wall that can only end badly. then it started and I was like “oh, its not that bad”. then i got a better look at the stripper outfits and went back to the “this is awful” position. but then when you see that there’s actual talent here – and there is – you just get confused. By way of talent and pizazz, these kids are friggin, not, playing. dayum.

So then my position on it becomes annoyance that the parents responsible for this allowed the controversy to happen at all. who the fuck thought these costumes were a good idea? you ruined it. fail. stupid. wtf moron. you have kids who can rock a dance move to a contemporary song that ya, might get some scrutiny over the bumping and gyrating but its not overt and there isn’t anything clearly with sexual intent so fine – but why.the.fkk. did you put them in Vegas showgirl costumes? why did you turn an otherwise awesome and adorable performance into a pedophile spank session? You are an idiot.

Looking for answers, I found that the parents had in fact responded to the controversy over the video:

Melissa Presch, the mom of one little dancer and Cory Miller, the father of another child in the group spoke to Inside Edition about the controversy. “I’m shocked, quite frankly, that people would suggest such things and say such things about 8 and 9 year old girls,” said Melissa Presch claiming the girls got their moves from the ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel’ movie — not Beyonce’s music video.

Then why weren’t the girls wearing Chipmunk costumes, yeh dummy? You can’t play the innocent-dance-move-origins card if you’re going to dress your child performers like burlesque dancers? Wtf, brah. Just because the dance moves were allegedly in a PG kids movie doesn’t mean they are automatically appropriate, but in this case she’s right. the dance moves aren’t inherently suggestive. but the costumes are, you dumb whore. when you’re wearing tassels and short shorts and tops, ANY hip movement in any direction is going to have sexual connotations.

The stupidity of this woman in her super-serious pseudo-SHOCK that others “would say such things about 8 and 9 year old girls” is a dosage of obnoxious that could produce enough vomit to feed a dozen dogs for a dozen days. The idiot father who similarly brushes off the charges of sexualization as “nah, when you look at it as a father, you’re just proud of your kids” is a level of WTF that would make even Japan say WTF – and Japan is the epicenter of WTF.

Dude: its about presentation. ya, thats great that you’re not getting a boner over your daughters stripper routine – we’re all very proud of you – but why are you not the least bit concerned about her being pedophile bait? Not “jailbait” – which is a post-puberty young adult below the age of 18 – PED-O-PHILE-BAAAIT. God you’re so gross.

“She doesn’t really know what she’s doing” is not a justification any more than the guy who told Cartman he could get a ton of free Sea Monkeys if he just closed his eyes and sucked through a tube. he goes on to say “even certain parts of the dance weren’t even choreographed to be [soft core porn]”.

thanks dad. great to know.

Such a waste.

Final Thought: as frighteningly nutballs it is that that parents are this willfully blind and as unfortunate it is that these talented kids had to have an otherwise kick-ass performance get ruined by the taint of skankdom – at least it is a safe bet that the ones that grow up to be hot in 7-10 years will be preconditioned to have low inhibitions and will be unprotected by watchful parents. so. at least there’s that…

Muslim student admits she wants another Holocaust

This gave me the chills. It starts out with a Muslim Student Association member making an awkward opening to a question posed to David Horowitz at a campus speaking engagement and it starts to look like she has a point. Evidently Horowitz made a connection between the Muslim Student Association and Muslim terrorists, which the student found silly, given her sarcastic tone on how the connection isn’t exactly “clear”. Horowitz then asks her to condemn a terrorist organization and the tone quickly changes when you’re the viewer trying to figure out whats going on here… things suddenly get dark when you’re like “wait.. what? why aren’t you just saying they’re terrorist scum and have nothing to do with me or my group who are peace loving Muslims and howDAREyousir blah blah blah”?? She explains that to openly say she supports this terrorist organization (Hamas) would be to martyr herself (an ironic choice of euphemism) because Homeland Security would catch wind and then investigate her since, they kinda frown on terrorist supporters here (not exactly parallel to being crucified, but no one ever claimed this chick was smart). Horowitz then asks the question a different way: he notes that Hamas wants the Jews collected into Israel so they are easier to slaughter and asks “for it or against it?”. Even after she had expressed support for the terror group, my inclination was to believe that she was going to go down a route claiming that Hamas was just a misunderstood organization that “needed” to use terror tactics and murder innocent people because of the plight of their noble cause, and so on and so forth.. but no… the bitch just comes out and admits it… its a chiller.

If she was a neo-Nazi, this would have been news. but since the media hates reporting that tired old “Muslims trying to murder people” story line, i had to see this online instead of the nightly news. pathetic.

the unbelievable unsettling transcript of what you just watched:

MSA member: Good evening, I just wanted to say thank you for coming to campus tonight and presenting your point of view, its always important to have to sets of, ah, views going on at the same time. Um, very useful. My name is Jumanah Imad Albahri and I’m a student here at UCSD. Ah I was reading your literature, I found that much more interesting than your talk, and I found some interesting things about the MSA, which is an organization that is very active on campus and is hosting our annual “Hitler Youth” week, you should come out to those events. Um, if you could clarify the connection between the MSA and Jihad terrorist networks, because last time I checked, we had to do our own fundraising, and we never get help from anyone. So if you could clarify the connection between UCSD’s MSA or if you don’t have such information, if you could connect other MSA’s on UC’s, because the connection wasn’t to clear in the pamphlet, just if you could clarify.

Horowitz: Okay. Will you condemn Hamas, here and now?

MSA member: I’m sorry, what?

Horowitz: Will you condemn Hamas?

MSA member: Would I condemn Hamas?

Horowitz: As a terrorist organization. Genocidal organization.

MSA member: Are you asking me to put myself on a cross?

Horowitz: So you won’t. I have actually had this experience many times. You didn’t actually read the pamphlet, because the pamphlet is chapter and verse. The main connection is that the MSA is part of the Muslim Brotherhood Network as revealed…

MSA member: I don’t think you understood what I meant by that. I meant if I say something, I am sure that I will be arrested, for reasons of homeland security. So if you could please just answer my question.

Horowitz: If you condemn Hamas, Homeland Security will arrest you?

MSA member: If I support Hamas, because your question forces me to condemn Hamas. If I support Hamas, I look really bad.

Horowitz: If you don’t condemn Hamas, obviously you support it. Case closed. I have had this experience at UC Santa Barbara, where there were 50 members of the Muslim Students Association sitting right in the rows there. And throughout my hour talk I kept asking them, will you condemn Hizbollah and Hamas. And none of them would. And then when the question period came, the president of the Muslim Students Association was the first person to ask a question. And I said, ‘Before you start, will you condemn Hizbollah?’ And he said, ‘Well, that question is too complicated for a yes or no answer.’ So I said, ‘Okay, I’ll put it to you this way. I am a Jew. The head of Hizbollah has said that he hopes that we will gather in Israel so he doesn’t have to hunt us down globally. For or Against it?

MSA member: For it.

Horowitz: Thank you for coming and showing everybody what’s here.

UPDATE: David Horowitz talked about this with Sean Hannity on the radio and explains the connection between the MSA (Muslim Student Association) and the Muslim Brotherhood.

Justin Biebers hair: the root of all evil?

The Bieber hair bowl is a shameful but necessary cut for many young males. i myself desperately want one – and my hair is ALMOST at the appropriate length to make it possible! These are urges i fight every day.

“they want his mane but they wont say his name… im talking of course about Justin Bieber the 16 going on delicious pop star”… and people doubt that this is the best show on cable news?

Call it the Flip and Switch, the Flow, or the Twitch: the Bieber hairstyle — with sideswept bangs that end about an inch past where the Beatles snipped theirs off — is everywhere. Tim Urban wore it on “American Idol” before he was voted off in late April, and Miles Heizer wears it on the NBC show “Parenthood” to play a brooding teenager. The idea is that the front-combed bangs are so long that they must be flicked aside constantly with a whole lot of attitude.

The majority of boys in the sixth-grade class of Ms. Friedman’s son have the Bieber. “You can’t see any eyes,” she said, describing the scene at a school dance she chaperoned recently. “There are no eyes, and there’s a lot of flipping.”

Just last week, a boy who came to Cozy’s Cuts surreptitiously showed his stylist a picture of Justin Bieber on his camera and asked her to replicate the look. “He said, ‘That’s what I want — don’t tell my mom,’ ” said Ms. Friedman, whose three salons charge $29.95 for the cut.

-from the article Bangs Like Justin’s (but Don’t Say So), in the New York Times.. whose motto is “all the news that’s fit to print”…

Why you should hate 3-D

Roger Ebert explains why the format must be stopped. Not as an option, he says, but as a way of life. 3-D should not become the new standard. It can be fun on a nice big-&-bright IMAX screen like Avatar (the only 3-D IMAX ive seen outside of a museum) but when I saw UP and Alice and Wonderland on a regular screen in 3-D, I was left seriously disappointed in the experience vs the extra ticket price…

That’s my position. I know it’s heresy to the biz side of show business. After all, 3-D has not only given Hollywood its biggest payday ($2.7 billion and counting for Avatar), but a slew of other hits. The year’s top three films—Alice in Wonderland, How to Train Your Dragon, and Clash of the Titans—were all projected in 3-D, and they’re only the beginning. The very notion of Jackass in 3-D may induce a wave of hysterical blindness, to avoid seeing Steve-O’s you-know-what in that way. But many directors, editors, and cinematographers agree with me about the shortcomings of 3-D. So do many movie lovers—even executives who feel stampeded by another Hollywood infatuation with a technology that was already pointless when their grandfathers played with stereoscopes.

That’s the summary and it’s really all you need, but if you’re thirsty for more detail you can go read the heretics’ case, point by point.

Ebert acknowledges that Avatar was awesome in 3D-IMAX but points out what I’ve been saying on that in how it was a movie made mostly on computers specifically for the purpose of being 3D. When movies add 3D as an afterthought, it sucks horribly, and its not a medium that is suited to anything other than kids and action films (Ebert brings up Fargo, Casablanca and Precious as “can you imagine that shit in 3D” examples).

The article contains info that explains the details of things like the darker picture in more complex ways:

Lenny Lipton is known as the father of the electronic stereoscopic-display industry. He knows how films made with his systems should look. Current digital projectors, he writes, are “intrinsically inefficient. Half the light goes to one eye and half to the other, which immediately results in a 50 percent reduction in illumination.” Then the glasses themselves absorb light. The vast majority of theaters show 3-D at between three and six foot-lamberts (fLs). Film projection provides about 15fLs. The original IMAX format threw 22fLs at the screen. If you don’t know what a foot-lambert is, join the crowd. (In short: it’s the level of light thrown on the screen from a projector with no film in it.) And don’t mistake a standard film for an IMAX film, or “fake IMAX” for original IMAX. What’s the difference? IMAX is building new theaters that have larger screens, which are quite nice, but are not the huge IMAX screens and do not use IMAX film technology. But since all their theaters are called IMAX anyway, this is confusing.

confusing indeed.