Prince Bieber and the Royal Wedding

Whenever I feel like killing a family of strangers and torturing them in my basement for a week, I always stop and remember that His eyes are upon me.. and I don’t…

Actually, I was thinking of a twitter screenshot I took over a year ago and wish I could find. it was of someone saying that even though Justin (I felt disgusting saying his first name just then) doesn’t know us individually, he still thinks about us and we are “always on his mind”. Haha. I cracked up in the car driving home from the Valley today thinking about that.

The Royal Wedding inspired me to articulate my view of the Biebs a lot better, so for those of you wondering what this running gag is all about: It’s that I’m fascinated that this is a thing and I think it’s silly, but also super fun. I’m not totally making fun of it, but I’m also obviously not “into” it. It’s more intense cuz Biebie has a silly name and is a teenage boy, so it’s funnier when I say I want him inside me than if I say that about Kate Middleton, but the thoughts are the same on the two. They are both cultural phenomenons that I am very much not a part of, do not understand and have more reasons why it should not be a thing than any redeeming factors – yet I like that it’s out there. I find them interesting and for all my satirizing, I don’t actually look down on people (well, in the one case: kids) who like either for real or even the people who are super-fans. In fact, I like them and think it’s super fun and I’m really just playfully joining in that fun, except not really, except really, but not really. Ja knows?

I also haven’t seen anything of either. I haven’t seen or heard any Bieb songs or videos besides One Time and part of that Baby OOOoOO thing that I dont know the name of but wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually titled “Baby O” and I haven’t seen any clips over 5 seconds of B-roll from news reports on the Royal Wedding. But I’m happy for both Princes and I like that they’re out there even if I simultaneously think it’s utterly ridiculous that they are. Make sense? maybe not. but ima tell you one time. one time. one time.

Okay, I’ll let you go now before the gifs make your eyes explode. One Time.

Bieber loves Canada and babies. Dislikes non-love sex and killing babies.

Turns out the Islamists were right! If Bieber says we’re the great satan, then by God, it shall be so. Where do I sign up for the opposition? “You guys are evil,” he jokingly tells Vanessa Grigoriadis in an upcoming interview with Rolling Stone. That’s a prelude to his position on Socialized health care:

“Canada’s the best country in the world. We go to the doctor and we don’t need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you’re broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard’s baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby’s premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home.”

Despite Bieber’s belief in government-run health care, the teenage superstar insists he is non-partisan. “I’m not sure about the parties,” he says. “But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad.”

He tacts left on Obamacare, but on sucking babies into sinks, Biebs has a “don’t” position:

Bieber also says he is pro-life. “I really don’t believe in abortion,” he says. “It’s like killing a baby?” However, when asked if he would support abortion rights in cases of rape, Bieber hesitates: “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”

My position (slash “accurate observation”) on the “everything happens for a reason” nonsense is that it’s a poor explanation for the unexplainable, but interesting about this is that Rolling Stone updated their pre-release of this quote to “correct” that Bieber added “I don’t know what that reason would be”. Kinda weird, but I guess a decent save. The dumb part is ever using that phrase, since if you believe it then it applies to things as horrific as rape, but saying it out loud illustrates how crazy it sounds so Bie-B-J was smart enough to at least backpeddle on it a bit. I give him a pass. But only cuz I can’t stay mad at that face. It’s also totally lame to say “I think something is wrong. but if someone does it, then I can’t say it is wrong” but the kids a music celeb – he dont need nuna that noise, so again the backpeddling is acceptable. More on that:

The edited version reflects Bieber’s uncertainty and confusion about the issue, rather than a glib absolutism (as it first appeared). No word yet from the magazine’s representatives on how the error came to their attention, though writer Vanessa Grigoriadis Tweeted: “online version removed a line” and printed the line in full, yesterday. (She also noted that Bieber, due to his far-reaching cultural influence, “deserves to be asked all questions,” including ones about thorny political issues.)

On Premarital sex it’s strictly “only for love”:

“I don’t think you should have sex with anyone unless you love them,” Bieber said. When asked about premarital sex, however, he was a little vaguer. “I think you should just wait for the person you’re … in love with.”

And the most important public policy insight revealed of course was his alleged Gomez affair:

While Bieber has yet to confirm whether or not he’s dating Gomez, Rolling Stone reporter Vanessa Grigoridias notes in her profile that she caught a peek of his computer background, which was a picture of him and Gomez against an orange sunset. His manager Scooter Braun told the magazine that the young star is “absolutely girl-crazy.”

OOoOOooo. Some-ones-got-ah-guuuurl-freeennnnd. teehee.

Here are the Red Eye folks talking about the whole “America is Evil” stuff…

Are you ready for the Bierbarstache?

In a behind-the-scenes look at Justin’s photo shoot for a special Bieber-themed collector’s edition of Us Weekly, Justin is showing very clear signs that the hair on his upper lip is darkening and growing.

Noooo! Biebs is going all Brad Pitt on us before his 13th birthday? oh… he’s 16? well dang. Still. I only like goofy little hop-hop preppy-thug Bieberino. Adult Biebs, ironically, gives me the creeps.

Justin Biebers hair: the root of all evil?

The Bieber hair bowl is a shameful but necessary cut for many young males. i myself desperately want one – and my hair is ALMOST at the appropriate length to make it possible! These are urges i fight every day.

“they want his mane but they wont say his name… im talking of course about Justin Bieber the 16 going on delicious pop star”… and people doubt that this is the best show on cable news?

Call it the Flip and Switch, the Flow, or the Twitch: the Bieber hairstyle — with sideswept bangs that end about an inch past where the Beatles snipped theirs off — is everywhere. Tim Urban wore it on “American Idol” before he was voted off in late April, and Miles Heizer wears it on the NBC show “Parenthood” to play a brooding teenager. The idea is that the front-combed bangs are so long that they must be flicked aside constantly with a whole lot of attitude.

The majority of boys in the sixth-grade class of Ms. Friedman’s son have the Bieber. “You can’t see any eyes,” she said, describing the scene at a school dance she chaperoned recently. “There are no eyes, and there’s a lot of flipping.”

Just last week, a boy who came to Cozy’s Cuts surreptitiously showed his stylist a picture of Justin Bieber on his camera and asked her to replicate the look. “He said, ‘That’s what I want — don’t tell my mom,’ ” said Ms. Friedman, whose three salons charge $29.95 for the cut.

-from the article Bangs Like Justin’s (but Don’t Say So), in the New York Times.. whose motto is “all the news that’s fit to print”…

Justin Bieber in Teen Vogue

This might be in the running for best photoshoot ever… can you even imagine it being described? “We’re gonna take you down to Venice beach.. with your skateboard.. aaand… a powder blue tuxedo shirt and white bow tie with plaid pants and a yellow fedora………. and by God… it’ll be magnificent”.

How this little twerp gets away with these random acts of awesome and maintains an air of cool – when i would be drafted as mayor of Fag City if I even described this as a joke – let alone did it for real – makes the Biebs my passionately hated idol…

god….

this photo is everything i wish i ever was.. and more

there are just no words…

in my dreams, he’s throwing it to me. and when i reach inside.. its his heart.. not a metaphor or a cartoon heart or anything.. but a bloody, still pumping organ.. and then i eat it. and cry. and sit back and digest.. digest Justin Biebers freshly cut heart…
hats off to you Biebs… always.
<3 oneLuv

Bieber or Die was a win

For one day, FunnyOrDie.com became the best website on the internetz. The April Fools day conversion to Bieber or Die was a good idea that was executed in a good way. The homepage adorned with a cutout of Biebers lesbian haircut in the background and an all Bieber video que on auto-play was amusing but the individual videos are what made it. They satirize the 16 year old singers style, image and weird ghetto-prep persona in a way that benefits both sides: you watch it and go “ya, thats EXACTLY how that little twerp is” but also have to acknowledge that he’s going along with the self deprecation so you can’t help but dock him several douchebag points from his list.

Bieber or die exclusive

The image says it all, but the video is here for your viewing pleasure as well: