Tag: sex

Polanski Romanski ends in Switzerlandski

30 something years ago, a Hollywood director named after an Italian empire allegedly started having sex with a 13 year old girl he was hot for. Some time after that, he drugged her and then had sex with her at Jack Nichelsons house while Jack was away on vacation or something – he got prosecuted for it somehow and he plead guilty to rape. This was supposed to be not THAT big a deal since she allegedly had the consensual sex with him before the rape, and also because he directed Chinatown, which was a good movie, so he should probably not get a heavy sentence. He got 40something days in prison and then fled the country before serving (or even officially receiving) his sentence and has been living abroad all this time. When he arrived in Switzerland to receive an award, the Swiss police, armed with cheese and army knives, seized him at the airport at American authority’s request and now theres a big clusterfuck on what to do with him.

There are a lot of stupid people saying really stupid things in response to this, but the most important cliffnotes of this story are: 1) passage of time doesn’t negate a crime 2) the crime was not just a technicality (unless the victim was really hot. which im gonna say, no. she wasnt) and was pretty wrong 3) prosecution is appropriate and 4) that prosecution should be reasonable since attacking this too hard just isn’t a good investment of law enforcement recourses.

The common Hollywood sentiment is Polanski’s crime is inexcusable but let me make excuses for him anyway. lame. especially since its so unnecessary. There are legit reasons why Polanski shouldn’t be drilled into the ground no matter what the expense and spectacle; there are no legit reasons (including his age, the gap since the crime or fact that his mother died in Auschwitz – wtf?) to just leave him alone completely.

I think we call agree that the real and most heinous  and unforgivable sin Polanski committed was the tarnishing the record of male sexual nature, setting the jailbait movement back countless years (well, not TOO many years cuz then you circle back to it being moral, legal and all around hunky dorey) with his “Everyone wants to f*ck young girls!” (Polanski 1979) declaration – which is true – and then going way TOO young, and living the dream via rape for Christ sake. ug.

Closing item for consideration: I guess this girl at the end is the victim(?)

Shake Weight women exercise…I don’t get it

This Shake Weight exercise for women infomercial has gone viral because there are apparently thousands of morons and 13 year olds that see literally any clasped hand gesture to have a clear association with jerking off. I don’t get it at all. At no point in this video do any of the girls make a single motion that resembles penis stimulation in the slightest way, yet that exact imagery is obvious enough to a lot of people.

What? No one handles a penis like this. Not dudes, not girls, not your doctor or uncle when they tell you to keep it your little secret – no one. I dont understand it… It’s like how people call the Washington monument a phallic symbol. Huh? Whose dick is a cube with a pyramid head? Why are there supposed penises in everything these days?

South Park slams Disneys teen sex marketing

In the recent episode of South Park, titled The Ring, Kenny takes his new girlfriend to a Jonas Brothers’ concert where they each get purity rings. Somehow this turns into harsh criticism of Disney that went completely over my head, which makes me think it was bullshit since not much goes over my head besides hats and maybe a fez on a Sunday afternoon.

I thought the episode was misplaced satire, even though I don’t know very much about the band. The thesis appeared to be that Disney is a big hypocritical fraud by promoting a band whose members don’t have sex, yet are sexually appealing. Huh? Where exactly is the hypocrisy beef? Did I miss something? They don’t prance around without a shirt (like I do) or have suggestive lyrics in their songs and I’ve never seen the brothers hump the air or pump around suggestively like the South Park versions of them did.

south park comedy central jonas brothers

So wtf? The South Park guys seem to just really hate the idea of teenagers not having sex whenever they feel like it. I’d get it if the Band appealed primarily to 17-23 year olds cuz then I’d be all duh – screw the purity ring and screw me. But aren’t the Jonas Bros 10 to 14 year old territory primarily? And eh… Isn’t this a group that maybe should probably not be encouraged to banging? Why is role modeling a no-sex policy to kids and young teens such a bad thing to deserve scorn and ridicule? The South Park kids are in 4th grade.

Combined with what I said earlier about the secondary charge against the Disney Corporation who peddles these sexy no-sex boyzes not making any more sense to me than targeting kids who aren’t having sex – wtf was with this episode? If it was all just an excuse to show Mickey Mouse beating the fuck out of someone and cursing then okay, fine, but we’ve come to expect a little more depth and meaning behind the crudeness of South Park gags.

This episode seemed 8 years too late and should have been about Britney Spears. She was much more obviously marketed on a foundation of sex from her outfits to her music videos to her orgasm moans in every other song. But the Jonas Brothers? really? It seemed like South Park was just attacking them simply because young girls like them. Therefore something sinister is going on behind the scenes? Maybe I’m missing something but it didn’t make any sense to me.

The unpublicized Miley Cyrus Controversey: Why does she look like a skank?

Like most, I too think its not appropriate for a 15 year old girl to be doing a topless photoshoot of any kind. The argument that it doesn’t show a lot of skin is one that misses the point by a mile. Yes, you can see more skin at the beach and yes Cyrus herself has shown more hot hot back-shoulder-and-arm action in award ceremony dresses – aren’t you clever for thinking of that. No. You’re not. The issue is about the context of such things. It’s the same reason its inappropriate for a girl to walk around in a bra and panties but notsomuch if she reveals even more skin in a bathing suit. Adults understand this.

So its by the same token that this Hannah Montana nude on a magazine cover should have been an obvious “are you fugging kidding me?” to any one of her 18million minders, handlers, agents, publicists and oh ya – parents. But whatever – the Cyrus’s say they were misled by the magazine into what the final product would actually be and are shocked and embarrassed now – okay, whatever. That’s not the point for me.

The thing I want to know why the media isn’t making a big deal about is that it’s not just that the photo is under an inappropriately sexy atmosphere, its that she looks like a thrice banged and discarded French whore.

What.. the hell… is with the pale skin, muted makeup and messy sexed hair on a gray background?? This is Tim Burton porn. I don’t get it at all.

Finally: A horror movie where the “monster” is a vagina

Teeth is a horror film about a teenage girl who has teeth in her vagina. It premiered January 19, 2007 at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival in the independent drama category.

The weirdest part? There is a history of this… in folklore at least. Significant enough to have a name: Vagina dentata…

Vagina dentata (Latin for toothed vagina) describes a folk tale in which a woman’s vagina is said to contain teeth, with the associated implication that sexual intercourse might result in injury or castration for the man.

The grain of truth in these stories is that dermoid cysts, which can occur anywhere in the body, often contain teeth. Although there are no documented examples, it is hypothetically possible for a tooth-containing dermoid cyst to develop in a woman’s vagina.

As an anti-rape propaganda tool (lol):

Such folk stories are frequently told as cautionary tales warning of the dangers of sex with strange women and to discourage rape.

Erich Neumann relays one such myth in which “a fish inhabits the vagina of the Terrible Mother; the hero is the man who overcomes the Terrible Mother, breaks the teeth out of her vagina, and so makes her into a woman.”

The legend also appears in the mythology of the Chaco and Guiana tribes of South America. In some versions, the hero leaves one tooth. An Ainu language tale containing this element was published as “The Island of Women” by Basil Hall Chamberlain, where it was described as a well known Japanese tale by E. B. Tylor.

Cleaner than that African insert that hooks into your rapists penis at least.

Think this can’t get any weirder? There was already a vagina-with-teeth horror movie in 2003 called “Penetration Angst”…