Tag: stupid

Jennifer Love Hewitt teaches us love stuff

I previously covered Jennifer Love Hewitts new book, specifically its content on decorating her vagina with plastic jewelry, but A blogger at NPR (yes, National Public Radio has bloggers now) has pulled some choice quotes that will give us all the feeling of having read the whole thing:

JenLove gives us so many gifts, not the least of which is the introduction of “lol” into the printed word:

“Guys hate to spoon — they prefer to fork, lol!”

Let that sink in a little bit… You’ll need a clear mind to take in the next:

“This is embarrassing and personal, but once a month, since I was twelve years old, I go to my favorite jewelry store and try on my dream ring.” She is 31 years old. If this is true, she has made roughly 225 trips to the jewelry store to try on engagement rings. I do not know where to go with this.

…ya…

From the list of 20 Things To Do After A Breakup: “Make out with a stranger (he must be gorgeous or you’ll feel worse).”

Good lookin out on that “must be gorgeous” addendum. sure saved me!

From the list of 10 Things To Do Before A Date: “Spray tan is a must.”

Isn’t this obvious?

From the list of “Strikes,” where if a guy has three, you forget it: “He keeps saying ‘That’s so dumb’ when you’re talking.” Oh … Jennifer Love Hewitt. I’m so sorry that possibly might have happened to you once or twice or I’m assuming you might not have brought it up.

“Remember, your body is a temple, not a 7-Eleven.”

From the list of “What A Man Should Know”: “How to pick a diamond,” and “To always have a coat for you.” A coat for you? Always? He should always have a coat for you? And pick out diamonds? I am beginning to think that Jennifer Love Hewitt and I do not share exactly the same priorities vis-a-vis romantic situations and also who is in charge of choosing and transporting our clothing.

He’s also supposed to throw that jacket in the mud so you can walk over it (im assuming) on your way to the malt shop or picture show.

Why blacks don’t go to National Parks

Why don’t blacks visit National Parks? DUH. Because the dirt and soil remind them of slavery. Obviously. This was revealed when ABC News ran a story last month profiling Yosemite National Park Ranger Shelton Johnson.

According to Mr “first and only black ranger at Yosemite” (cuz that’s significant for some reason), blacks are also so tribal and easily led that if Oprah or Snoop Dog would just recreate at a park now and then, that would let the dark-skins across the nation know that these areas are safe for their kind too. After first asking why stats on the race of park attendee’s are taken anyway (which I giggled at even though I took the mention of visitor-race to be Johnsons eyeballing and not official stat-counting, but who the hell knows), John Stossel (who works for ABC but was not involved with this piece) asked on a blog “Why must racism be the first thing to which some people assign blame for every problem, real or imagined?”

Debbie Schlussel has a theory:

Hmmm . . . maybe the reason they don’t like national parks is that Yosemite’s only Black ranger wears two earrings, if ya know what I mean. Maybe Blacks don’t go to national parks because they don’t want to. Maybe they prefer something else for their free time. Why is this a problem? It’s their business what they choose to do with their free time and their free choice, not a national crisis that needs to be socially engineered otherwise.

Intolerant hippies on the attack again

John Mackey – the founder, CEO and marketing genius behind Whole Foods – finds himself in an organic, unsustainable mess with his carefully cultivated affluent, liberal customer base after penning an Op-Ed in the Wall Street Journal titled, “The Whole Foods Alternative to ObamaCare.”

While we clearly need health-care reform, the last thing our country needs is a massive new health-care entitlement that will create hundreds of billions of dollars of new unfunded deficits and move us much closer to a government takeover of our health-care system. Instead, we should be trying to achieve reforms by moving in the opposite direction—toward less government control and more individual empowerment. Here are eight reforms that would greatly lower the cost of health care for everyone:

And then proceeds to list them. The column is definitely worth the read if you’re even a little interested in the subject. In his list are evidently outrageous things like “Enact tort reform” and “Make costs transparent so that consumers understand what health-care treatments cost.”

This, to the intolerant closed minded brainwashed bubble living freaks of the granola left is completely unacceptable…

Andrew Brietbart notes the absurdity on display here through a Washington Times column on the subject:

Mr. Mackey, a free-market libertarian, is now at the mercy of an unforgiving grass-roots mob intent on destroying his company. More than 25,000 people have signed on to a Whole Foods boycott on Facebook.

“Whole Foods has built its brand with the dollars of deceived progressives,” the online petition reads. “Let them know your money will no longer go to support Whole Foods’ anti-union, anti-health insurance reform, right-wing activities.”

He goes on to note that WholeBoycott.com, features unintentionally comical video testimonials from aggrieved former customers. *yawn*

Greta Van Susteren asks Russell Mokhiber, organizer of a boycott against Whole Foods if CEO John Mackey is a bad guy. “Yeah, I do. Yeah, he’s a bad guy.” Greta, playing defense for the controversial right to disagree tells him”You stun me”. Whole Foods supporter Cyrstal Jones provides balance and sanity in this segment. Greta apologizes to her for having her “horns locked” with the Whole Foods boycott organizer.

More from Breitbarts WashTimes article:

But Mr. Mackey missed the key ingredient of modern liberalism: intolerance to the ideas of nonliberals. And this miscalculation may prove to be devastating to his multibillion-dollar business.

Everywhere one looks these days, the intolerance of self-avowed liberals is on display. Especially since Mr. Obama came to power.

The purportedly open-minded and empathic among us who now run everything – save for NASCAR and Nashville – openly wage war against those who dare disagree.

Some man-on-the-street reactions worth hearing:

Besides, Boycotts are stupid, unless you’re boycotting baseball:

Boycotts are stupid. Well, except my boycott of baseball. But that’s different. It’s not a boycott so much as it is that I just don’t enjoy the sport as much now that I realize that most of the people involved in it have no integrity on the doping issue. Plus, it’s just way too slow. I prefer the fast pace of golf.

But back to boycotts, the Whole Foods boycott really seems odd to me because there is a lot to like about Whole Foods’ philosophy. If you want to encourage small brands that use organic farming — if you want to encourage a different kind of neighborhood store — if you want to encourage less waste from plastic bags — if you want to eat good food … then you shop at Whole Foods. But the CEO has some thoughts on health care that you disagree with, so you throw all that out the window and boycott? That makes no sense to me.

Birthday cakes banned at school

Best part is near the end when the field reporter takes a bite of a cupcake before the transition back to the school official. Hilarious and very dry. Daily Show-esque gag slipped into legitimate news. Kindov like that time Glenn Beck was sneaking bites of fast food hamburgers in between questions to a health food expert he was interviewing on his CNN show.