Category: News

Some hotels check if you’re watching porn before sending maid to your room

It’s been a month full of sex with maids in the news. First we find out that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s maid was evidently Mrs Garrett and that he had a lovechild with her, then some French guy who was about to be the next President of Cheese was caught in an attempted rape of a maid (causing the American tax payer to reward him), and so now the Associated Press has jumped on board and done a cover story the way you’ll see the History Channel do a miniseries on a subject that happens to be in a major movie that’s in theaters at that time.

Reading this AP Story about the horror stories some Hotel maids have experienced in their profession and this interesting tidbit drug itself across my eyeballs:

Some hotels will send only male employees to a room late at night if their computers show a guest is watching porn, said Carl Boger, dean of academics at the University of Houston’s college of hotel management.

They can also monitor who opens a door and when by looking at the electronic lock system, he said.

In the New York case, those records should help investigators determine the timeline of the alleged attack and if the housekeeper had propped the door open, he said.
The open-door policy is a security procedure that’s been in place at the Sofitel before Strauss-Kahn was charged in the alleged May 14 attack. Sofitel officials say they’re not aware of any other incident of a sexual attack on a maid at any of their worldwide hotels.

My apartment in Hawaii uses the card key tracker system so I knew they could check dates, times and which card owner opened the door but the “check first to see if they’re watching porn” thing is interesting news.

There’s other stuff in the article about dudes jerking off while watching the maids clean or straight up offering them cash for sex – the best one was after a guy sympathetically asked about the maids home country and how many people she’s supporting with her American earned salary and THEN busted out the “I know a way you can make some money right now” proposish. Noice!

I realize that these dudes are just really horny and desperate but when one chick describes how she even wears extra layers of clothes to “hide her figure”, you still cant help but wonder wtf kind of bodies are these chicks rockin at these hotels?? Like I said – anyone who’s frequented hotels across the country knows the answer and knows it’s not THIS (pictured below) but the descriptions sure make it sound like it…

On a related note: while posting that picture above I also saw this one below…
Until now, you didn’t think of “sexy maids…in diapers”… was a thing… and now you do.

Rapture Countdown

It was supposed to be the end of the world as we know it, but I feel fine.
and I’m also doing this, and encourage you to as well:

Exit note: Rapturing but be a lot of fun cuz I first heard it when the Scarecrow exclaimed “oh joy! Rapture! I’ve got a brain!” in the Wizard of Oz and subsequently in many Ren & Stimpy episodes. Makes me disappointed I didn’t get to experience it 🙁

In other News: Macho Man, the wrestler, passed away after suffering a heart attack while driving. Evidently it was the car crash that resulted which killed him and not the attack itself. Too bad, but we can at least be comforted by this thought:

Lithgow Reads Gingrich

Colbert Invites John Lithgow To Perform Dramatic Reading Of Surreal Gingrich Press Release:

and yes, that’s the actual text. The full press release reads:

The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.

Arnold has secret son. Maria Shriver has secret class.

Aside from this very subtle lulz from Wikipedia – No punchline here – just saying: How classy is Maria Shriver? i mean gead daymn. unless there is some attention whoring tell-all book or string of Oprah appearances coming up, i gotta hand it to the lady for being Dignitary of the year.

“This is a painful and heartbreaking time,” Shriver said in a statement. “As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal. I will have no further comment.”

Schwarzenegger and Shriver recently announcedtheir separation after 25 years of marriage, but failed to give a reason for the split. The Los Angeles Times reports that Shriver moved out of the family’s Brentwood home earlier this year when Schwarzenegger confessed his paternity.

Arnold had a kid with a member of the staff and kept it a secret through 2 successful elections as Governor…wtf?

“For at least 10 years, throughout a spectacular and closely-scrutinized political career, Arnold Schwarzenegger managed to hide the existence of a love child with a member of his own household staff. Only now, after leaving the governor’s office and splitting from his equally famous wife of 25 years, are we finding out… “It’s almost mindboggling that information like this did not become public over his political career,” said veteran California GOP strategist Dan Schnur, who now teaches at the University of Southern California. “If this had come out when he was running for governor, he wouldn’t have gotten elected.” – Washington Post

How pissed off is Meg Whitman right now? The former eBay CEO spent a record $150 Million of her own money to gain the privilege of saving California from bankruptcy and she was derailed by a phony scandal that caused weeks of election-costing bad press when Gloria Alred trotted out Whitmans former maid to cry in front of cameras for money and whine about how she is illegally residing in the country, lied to the Whitmans and got fired when they found out about her illegal status.

That was a big deal for some reason, while the previous Governor hiding a love child never got uncovered?? Dude…wtf.

Meg Whitman literally did everything she was supposed to do both legally and morally and handled the release with class, saying how the maid was a member of the family and following the legal obligation to fire her was very hard and that is big news. Sitting governor hides love child and that’s only an interest tidbit mentioned after his term. this is bananas.

California would have been better off with the scandal known and Arnold only serving 1 term from the recall election and the state having Whitman win a term or two after that democrat.

Should Lazy Cakes be banned?

I first heard about this product from a Facebook status that was facepalming their existence at a gas station convenience store, but in New Bedford there is an effort to get them banned. At first glance, Lazy Cakes are pot brownies. At second and third glance, that’s what they are too. The website and label has purple smoke floating around a brownie that is obviously baked (since that’s how you make brownies. *solid pun**). The official description says it’s a “Tasty chocolate treat that brings on the ultimate state of relaxation.”

“The magic of Lazy Cakes™, the original relaxation brownie, is in its proprietary blend that includes herbal relaxation aids melatonin, Valerian Root Extract, Rose Hips Extract, and Passion Flower,” the company says.

Fall River Mayor William Flanagan ignores the obvious pot imagery, either through clever tactic taking or through extreme denseness, saying at a news conference, he opposes the product because of the melatonin inside. “Melatonin is a sleep aid. If someone wants to buy melatonin, that’s fine, but it shouldn’t be in a brownie that’s packaged to attract kids,” he added.

The makers of Lazy Cakes issued this statement:

“We have not been contacted by the Mayor’s office in regard to their specific questions about our product but we welcome a conversation with Mr. Flanagan. We created Lazy Cakes to provide adults with a great-tasting way to combat the stress associated with our fast-paced lives. Ingredients include items that anyone can purchase at any health food or vitamin store, such as melatonin, Valerian Root Extract, Rose Hips Extract, and Passion Flower. Each Brownie is clearly labeled to indicate that we recommend that Lazy Cakes be enjoyed by adults only. We encourage parents to check the label before providing this or any product to their children.” -Terry Harris, CEO of HBB, LLC, makers of Lazy Cakes.

The dude trying to ban them says bollocks to that. “Even though the product says it’s not intended for children’s use, its psychedelic packaging and its cartoon character, known as Lazy Larry, indicate otherwise,” he said.

My inclination is to sarcastically ask “since when are psychedelic’s marketed toward kids?” but I quickly catch myself with the obvious answer being “since they were invented”.

No Car? No Supermarket? Kindov a problem

A 2009 study by the Department of Agriculture found that 2.3 million households do not have access to a car and live more than a mile from a supermarket. Much of the public health debate over rising obesity rates has turned to these “food deserts,” where convenience store fare is more accessible—and more expensive—than healthier options farther away. This map colors each county in America by the percentage of households in food deserts, according to the USDA’s definition. Data is not available for Alaska and Hawaii.

(via Slate Labs – Food Deserts: An interactive map)

Prince Bieber and the Royal Wedding

Whenever I feel like killing a family of strangers and torturing them in my basement for a week, I always stop and remember that His eyes are upon me.. and I don’t…

Actually, I was thinking of a twitter screenshot I took over a year ago and wish I could find. it was of someone saying that even though Justin (I felt disgusting saying his first name just then) doesn’t know us individually, he still thinks about us and we are “always on his mind”. Haha. I cracked up in the car driving home from the Valley today thinking about that.

The Royal Wedding inspired me to articulate my view of the Biebs a lot better, so for those of you wondering what this running gag is all about: It’s that I’m fascinated that this is a thing and I think it’s silly, but also super fun. I’m not totally making fun of it, but I’m also obviously not “into” it. It’s more intense cuz Biebie has a silly name and is a teenage boy, so it’s funnier when I say I want him inside me than if I say that about Kate Middleton, but the thoughts are the same on the two. They are both cultural phenomenons that I am very much not a part of, do not understand and have more reasons why it should not be a thing than any redeeming factors – yet I like that it’s out there. I find them interesting and for all my satirizing, I don’t actually look down on people (well, in the one case: kids) who like either for real or even the people who are super-fans. In fact, I like them and think it’s super fun and I’m really just playfully joining in that fun, except not really, except really, but not really. Ja knows?

I also haven’t seen anything of either. I haven’t seen or heard any Bieb songs or videos besides One Time and part of that Baby OOOoOO thing that I dont know the name of but wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually titled “Baby O” and I haven’t seen any clips over 5 seconds of B-roll from news reports on the Royal Wedding. But I’m happy for both Princes and I like that they’re out there even if I simultaneously think it’s utterly ridiculous that they are. Make sense? maybe not. but ima tell you one time. one time. one time.

Okay, I’ll let you go now before the gifs make your eyes explode. One Time.