Hefner was engaged to an Evil Succubus

It’s a surprise to no one that this 25-year-old model and aspiring singer had ulterior motives in marrying an 85-year-old millionaire, but the extent of the coldness goes ways beyond the old “i only want you cuz you’re rich and you only want me cuz i’m hot” tradition and crosses into territory that reads like an infomercial with an evil bitch for sale:

Not only did she call off the engagement the same day she released the first single off her debut album, and the same day she had a video posted and features on Funny or Die – but she was also cheating on Hugh with Dr. Phils son. Awesome. BUT WAIT – THERE’S MORE…. she was also shopping an interview to take place after she carried out her original break-up plan, which was to leave Hef literally at the alter, in dress and all, while cameras filmed the real-life staged drama.

Crystal Harris secretly planned to ditch the Playboy mogul at the altar in return for a $500,000 media deal, Page Six has learned. Harris was shopping for a big-bucks deal to tell all after she ditched hapless Hef in front of 300 guests at their wedding at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday, to be filmed for a Lifetime TV special.
A source told us, “Crystal wanted to ditch Hef at the altar. Her plan was to walk up the aisle and say she couldn’t go through with it. The wedding was to be filmed for a reality special, and her refusal to marry him would be a sensation.

Wow. Good thing she reconsidered, right? Good thing this heinous harpie had a Grinch moment at the last minute and realized what a horrible thing she was about to do and called off the sham wedding, right? Nah…

She was looking for a tie-in deal of around $500,000 for the exclusive ‘I ditched Hef at the altar’ interview. While there was interest, Crystal didn’t get an offer anywhere near half a million.”

So the only reason she didn’t walk down the aisle in a televised wedding just to tell everyone “jk. lol” was because she didn’t get enough money to do so… Without the cash, she was left with actually marrying the man or calling the whole thing off and picked the only logical choice. Jeeeezus…

Crystal shows off her engagement ring that Hef gave her on Dec. 24, 2010.

At least Playboy is getting publicity out of all this, as “Mrs Crystal Hefner” was set to be on the cover of the next issue, and…well, still is. Unfortunately for Playboy, monthly magazines get printed way in advance of their publication date. So Crystal is on the cover of the July issue as Mrs. Crystal Hefner.

Hugh Hefner tweeted this revision: “Recent events call for a special sticker on the July cover. Look for it on newsstands.” Playboy subscribers, however, won’t see a sticker on their copies since they have already been mailed out.

These are horrible actions regardless of the bubble-gum popcorn funky groovy goodtime context of celebrity gossip and nudie magazine publisher romance. I’m inclined to assess the situation in that Hefner was legit looking to wife this girl and she legit was looking to screw-over and embarrass him for money but even if this was all a publicity stunt on both sides, there is a clear villain that outta be labeled as such.

Men like women who use “guy humor”

Time covers this story, saying “What do guys want? Themselves, apparently.”

Um. “Apparently”? Try “obviously”, ya big dopes. Me with boobs = perf. But Time goes on:

Or at least someone who has an identical sense of humor. According to a study of 331,138 eHarmony male users, the style of humor that men most appreciate from a woman is “sarcastic,” followed by “juvenile”, “geeky” or “raw.” (eHarmony defines those last three as “guy humor.”) While all of these terms are frustratingly vague, we can’t help but feel that they are describing our little brother. And somehow that’s sexy?

Here is the eHarmony info:

Dying 8 year old “marries” his sweetheart before death

Reece Fleming was given only weeks to live. He proposed to his ‘special friend’ Elleanor Purgslove at the most romantic of places: laser tag.

Reece was 8 years old. He had been “seeing” his special friend Ellie for a few years but then they broke up. But one day at a laser tag party, he asked her to marry him and she accepted.

Their parents arranged a make-believe wedding at Reece’s home in Mackworth, Derby. He died the next day with his family.

Reece’s mother Lorraine Fleming said he told her, “I can go now” after his wish had been granted.

The 28-year-old said: “”He was so proud of her, and we were proud of them both.”

Reece was diagnosed with leukaemia in July 2004, when he was aged just four.

He fought the disease for four years until May when doctors told him he had just weeks to live.

Ms Fleming, said she and his stepfather Mick Thompson had tried to help him achieve as much as possible before his death, including marrying his sweetheart.

Full Story here >