Ebert clarifies Jackass drunk death Tweet

Commenting on the news that “Jackass” star Ryan Dunn and two others were killed in a car crash at 3AM, Roger Ebert tweeted the following yesterday afternoon:

“Friends don’t let jackasses drink and drive.”

Some were angry with the judgement call.

Today, Ebert backed off and somewhat apologized:

I don’t know what happened in this case, and I was probably too quick to tweet. That was unseemly. I do know that nobody has any business driving on a public highway at 110 mph, as some estimated — or fast enough, anyway, to leave a highway and fly through 40 yards of trees before crashing. That is especially true if the driver has had three shots and three beers. Two people were killed. What if the car had crashed into another car?

Something called “Hollywoodland” on Breitbarts Big Hollywood site disapproved of this (my guess is because Ebert is a big liberal and Big Hollywood is a Conservative outfit) first setting it up with “Before knowing for sure if alcohol contributed to the awful car crash…” and then posting the tweet and elaboration, going on to say:

There’s a time and place for this discussion. No doubt about that. But before stepping onto your sanctimonius soapbox, it’s a good idea to know the facts.

Blah blah. Eberts original tweet may have jumped to a (very logical) conclusion at a not-s0-tactful time, but his followup is crushingly valid. We’re all allowed to publicly comment our opinions on public news items concerning public people and everyone else is allowed to say it’s wrong or in bad taste or whatever they think, but factually, it’s difficult to argue with Ebert on this one.


Hefner was engaged to an Evil Succubus

It’s a surprise to no one that this 25-year-old model and aspiring singer had ulterior motives in marrying an 85-year-old millionaire, but the extent of the coldness goes ways beyond the old “i only want you cuz you’re rich and you only want me cuz i’m hot” tradition and crosses into territory that reads like an infomercial with an evil bitch for sale:

Not only did she call off the engagement the same day she released the first single off her debut album, and the same day she had a video posted and features on Funny or Die – but she was also cheating on Hugh with Dr. Phils son. Awesome. BUT WAIT – THERE’S MORE…. she was also shopping an interview to take place after she carried out her original break-up plan, which was to leave Hef literally at the alter, in dress and all, while cameras filmed the real-life staged drama.

Crystal Harris secretly planned to ditch the Playboy mogul at the altar in return for a $500,000 media deal, Page Six has learned. Harris was shopping for a big-bucks deal to tell all after she ditched hapless Hef in front of 300 guests at their wedding at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday, to be filmed for a Lifetime TV special.
A source told us, “Crystal wanted to ditch Hef at the altar. Her plan was to walk up the aisle and say she couldn’t go through with it. The wedding was to be filmed for a reality special, and her refusal to marry him would be a sensation.

Wow. Good thing she reconsidered, right? Good thing this heinous harpie had a Grinch moment at the last minute and realized what a horrible thing she was about to do and called off the sham wedding, right? Nah…

She was looking for a tie-in deal of around $500,000 for the exclusive ‘I ditched Hef at the altar’ interview. While there was interest, Crystal didn’t get an offer anywhere near half a million.”

So the only reason she didn’t walk down the aisle in a televised wedding just to tell everyone “jk. lol” was because she didn’t get enough money to do so… Without the cash, she was left with actually marrying the man or calling the whole thing off and picked the only logical choice. Jeeeezus…


Crystal shows off her engagement ring that Hef gave her on Dec. 24, 2010.

At least Playboy is getting publicity out of all this, as “Mrs Crystal Hefner” was set to be on the cover of the next issue, and…well, still is. Unfortunately for Playboy, monthly magazines get printed way in advance of their publication date. So Crystal is on the cover of the July issue as Mrs. Crystal Hefner.

Hugh Hefner tweeted this revision: “Recent events call for a special sticker on the July cover. Look for it on newsstands.” Playboy subscribers, however, won’t see a sticker on their copies since they have already been mailed out.

These are horrible actions regardless of the bubble-gum popcorn funky groovy goodtime context of celebrity gossip and nudie magazine publisher romance. I’m inclined to assess the situation in that Hefner was legit looking to wife this girl and she legit was looking to screw-over and embarrass him for money but even if this was all a publicity stunt on both sides, there is a clear villain that outta be labeled as such.

Awkward Fox News Interview

I’ve seen this lady on CNN, MSNBC and Fox before, but never like this…what IS this? and is she in front of a green screen? Or is she just glowing? The host, Martha MaCallum is front of a screen – it looks like a giant window but it’s actually a giant moniter – and she’s never glowy. wtf is going on here? Did she do this at a home studio? That would explain the green screen, poor lighting, phone ringing in the background and whatever is responsible for the moments at 2:40 and at 5:35…

Mediaite describes:

Radio talk show host Nancy Skinner sparked an entertaining–and at times somewhat bizarre–discussion on Fox News Thursday afternoon, as host Martha MacCallum attempted to lead a discussion of Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign announcement. Skinner, who has a show on Detroit radio and has served as a political commentator for Fox, MSNBC and CNN, quickly shifted from Romney to Bush. She suggested that Romney’s speech was about “laying out the case of how badly President Bush screwed up our economy” before beginning a disjointed defense of President Obama that led to an argument over poll results.

Prince Bieber and the Royal Wedding

Whenever I feel like killing a family of strangers and torturing them in my basement for a week, I always stop and remember that His eyes are upon me.. and I don’t…

Actually, I was thinking of a twitter screenshot I took over a year ago and wish I could find. it was of someone saying that even though Justin (I felt disgusting saying his first name just then) doesn’t know us individually, he still thinks about us and we are “always on his mind”. Haha. I cracked up in the car driving home from the Valley today thinking about that.

The Royal Wedding inspired me to articulate my view of the Biebs a lot better, so for those of you wondering what this running gag is all about: It’s that I’m fascinated that this is a thing and I think it’s silly, but also super fun. I’m not totally making fun of it, but I’m also obviously not “into” it. It’s more intense cuz Biebie has a silly name and is a teenage boy, so it’s funnier when I say I want him inside me than if I say that about Kate Middleton, but the thoughts are the same on the two. They are both cultural phenomenons that I am very much not a part of, do not understand and have more reasons why it should not be a thing than any redeeming factors – yet I like that it’s out there. I find them interesting and for all my satirizing, I don’t actually look down on people (well, in the one case: kids) who like either for real or even the people who are super-fans. In fact, I like them and think it’s super fun and I’m really just playfully joining in that fun, except not really, except really, but not really. Ja knows?

I also haven’t seen anything of either. I haven’t seen or heard any Bieb songs or videos besides One Time and part of that Baby OOOoOO thing that I dont know the name of but wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually titled “Baby O” and I haven’t seen any clips over 5 seconds of B-roll from news reports on the Royal Wedding. But I’m happy for both Princes and I like that they’re out there even if I simultaneously think it’s utterly ridiculous that they are. Make sense? maybe not. but ima tell you one time. one time. one time.

Okay, I’ll let you go now before the gifs make your eyes explode. One Time.

Punky Brewster, all grow’d up

Punky Brewster was an 80s show about a little orphan girl with a dog who gets adopted by a stuffy old man because she melts his heart. Yes, it was the 80s version of Annie. The girl who played Punky’s name is Solei Moonfry (pronounced So-lay) who now has a Ustream account and does stuff on it. Below is the first part of the first episode of Punky Brewster for reference:

Watch Solei “go there”:

Charlie Sheen: Morning Winning Phone Convo

And you thought the Tiger Blood shit was fun… oh my…

Facial or buttal? Faccial or buttal?
You speak. I’ll listen. Jesus Craaaap.
People need to hear his gold as its rolling out, not as its disappearing, disappearing like so many fuckin magicians rabbits (cuz they disappear. get it?).

Is this dude rockin a face-following camera?? cuz when he pops back up from the counter after taking a swig, he doesnt readjust – the frame just moves upward with him. hmmm. I’m assuming he’s recording the video on a cell phone which is why it keeps interrupting when he receives a call so idk whats goin on with the facefollow thing.

Can’t wait to buy my copy of “Apocalypse Me: the Jaws of Life” but I’m not sure if Charlie realizes that Amazon.com is a book seller…not publisher.

Crowning moment of Awesome might be CharChar hiding in his sweatshirt and being asked if he’s “loving life”. Response: “whats not to love? its, MY LIFE. *pops face out of sweatshirt* WIN-INNNG”.

More good news: Charlie Sheen Swings Machete From Rooftop, Yells ‘Free at Last!’

The 45-year-old actor returned to his home and livestreamed a new episode of his UStream web show, “Sheen’s Korner,” in which he swigged from a bottle he refused to name “unless I get paid.”

The actor uttered seeming nonsequitors on the phone to a friend named Bob, including “Phones were built by trolls” and “If you own the home in which you own the trash cans, you should never have to empty it again.”

Sheen, chain smoking cigarettes (and even smoking through his right nostril at one point), his head bobbing in and out, explained the reason behind his livestream, saying “People need to hear my gold as it rolls out, not as its disappearing like so many magicians’ rabbits.”

He launched the live web series on Saturday with a rambling monologue in which he discussed winning, showed several photos of cats and dogs fighting, said he was going to take a phone call from the president, declared he had the “boogers of a seven-year-old” and referred to either himself or the show as a “movement.”

In the second installment of “Sheen’s Korner,” broadcast Sunday night, Sheen appeared to threaten to slit the throats of children as part of a rant.

“I’m gonna write my sermons, I’m gonna deliver them like truth torpedoes, and people are gonna f*cking take it or leave it,” he said. “We know they’re gonna take it cause they can’t process it, so they must condemn it, and if they can’t condemn it, they’ll like f*cking turn me into a god and worship it, and realize I’m behind them, cutting their throats, and their children’s.”

Bieber loves Canada and babies. Dislikes non-love sex and killing babies.

Turns out the Islamists were right! If Bieber says we’re the great satan, then by God, it shall be so. Where do I sign up for the opposition? “You guys are evil,” he jokingly tells Vanessa Grigoriadis in an upcoming interview with Rolling Stone. That’s a prelude to his position on Socialized health care:

“Canada’s the best country in the world. We go to the doctor and we don’t need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you’re broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard’s baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby’s premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home.”

Despite Bieber’s belief in government-run health care, the teenage superstar insists he is non-partisan. “I’m not sure about the parties,” he says. “But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad.”

He tacts left on Obamacare, but on sucking babies into sinks, Biebs has a “don’t” position:

Bieber also says he is pro-life. “I really don’t believe in abortion,” he says. “It’s like killing a baby?” However, when asked if he would support abortion rights in cases of rape, Bieber hesitates: “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”

My position (slash “accurate observation”) on the “everything happens for a reason” nonsense is that it’s a poor explanation for the unexplainable, but interesting about this is that Rolling Stone updated their pre-release of this quote to “correct” that Bieber added “I don’t know what that reason would be”. Kinda weird, but I guess a decent save. The dumb part is ever using that phrase, since if you believe it then it applies to things as horrific as rape, but saying it out loud illustrates how crazy it sounds so Bie-B-J was smart enough to at least backpeddle on it a bit. I give him a pass. But only cuz I can’t stay mad at that face. It’s also totally lame to say “I think something is wrong. but if someone does it, then I can’t say it is wrong” but the kids a music celeb – he dont need nuna that noise, so again the backpeddling is acceptable. More on that:

The edited version reflects Bieber’s uncertainty and confusion about the issue, rather than a glib absolutism (as it first appeared). No word yet from the magazine’s representatives on how the error came to their attention, though writer Vanessa Grigoriadis Tweeted: “online version removed a line” and printed the line in full, yesterday. (She also noted that Bieber, due to his far-reaching cultural influence, “deserves to be asked all questions,” including ones about thorny political issues.)

On Premarital sex it’s strictly “only for love”:

“I don’t think you should have sex with anyone unless you love them,” Bieber said. When asked about premarital sex, however, he was a little vaguer. “I think you should just wait for the person you’re … in love with.”

And the most important public policy insight revealed of course was his alleged Gomez affair:

While Bieber has yet to confirm whether or not he’s dating Gomez, Rolling Stone reporter Vanessa Grigoridias notes in her profile that she caught a peek of his computer background, which was a picture of him and Gomez against an orange sunset. His manager Scooter Braun told the magazine that the young star is “absolutely girl-crazy.”

OOoOOooo. Some-ones-got-ah-guuuurl-freeennnnd. teehee.

Here are the Red Eye folks talking about the whole “America is Evil” stuff…