Category: Showbiz

Jennifer Love Hewitt talks about the art of Vagazzling

UPDATE: I’m changing this posts title from “Danny Bonaduce finds a way to make a Jennifer Love Hewitt about him” to its current form to reflect the updates below.

Danny Bonaduce is the master at making any topic involve, be about or otherwise reference himself, edging out Sean Hannity by a slim but respectable margin for the title. Last week I heard him interview Jennifer Love Hewitt about her new book where she talks about Love more in the Jennifer Aniston path. and also decorating her vagina with colorful costume jewel studs. Danny turns the focus back on himself at every turn. it’s good times… it gets to be even gooder timezes when they conclude and she’s off the line and they can really talk about vag-decorating unfiltered.



Jennifer has a new book out, The Day I Shot Cupid, which she wrote over four years, all with pen to paper. Just like Danny. Jennifer admits that she’s done some pretty dumb things for love, including writing a guy love letters every day straight for six months only to find out he had a girlfriend. She also held up signs for a guy outside of his apartment. Danny is the king of Bedazzling, and Jennifer is a huge fan of vagazzling, which is putting crystals on lady parts.Danny might pedazzle now. They stay on for about a week. Jennifer is single these days. She doesn’t go out to Hollywood clubs and hot spots.

UPDATE: twas fate that caused me to post this seeing as no later than a few hours after publishing I come across this complete w ith SFW image:

It’s called Vajazzling. Like Bedazzling, you know? That infomercial about putting rhinestones on your clothes? Only this is no denim vest enhanced by a handheld machine that you can get for just $19.95 if you call right now. With vajazzling, you go into a high-end salon, get waxed bare, and are bejewled below the belt.

You know, I’m not sure which surprised me more: That Hewitt did it; that she went on national television and told everyone about it; or that such an activity exists at all. But there she was on The George Lopez Show letting it all hang out. OK — not literally, of course. But she was talking all about it. She was so proud and giggly. She said she did it after a break-up to lift her spirits, and apparently it worked. Hewitt also shared her vajazzling tale on Chelsea Lately, The View and The Joy Behar Show. Girlfriend gets around.

and lo. whats this? Love Hewitt talking about the art form on Lopez Tonight (and click here to watch her on Joy Behar):

Completely Bare in New York City, which claims to have originated the service and the name, offers a variety of designs starting at $115, including the wax. One design, described as “a beautiful padlock on a chain”, costs $750. dayum woman… if yo baby hole aint attractive as it is, you ain gonna change it with shiny goodies around it… but… whatever i guess.

Bieber or Die was a win

For one day, FunnyOrDie.com became the best website on the internetz. The April Fools day conversion to Bieber or Die was a good idea that was executed in a good way. The homepage adorned with a cutout of Biebers lesbian haircut in the background and an all Bieber video que on auto-play was amusing but the individual videos are what made it. They satirize the 16 year old singers style, image and weird ghetto-prep persona in a way that benefits both sides: you watch it and go “ya, thats EXACTLY how that little twerp is” but also have to acknowledge that he’s going along with the self deprecation so you can’t help but dock him several douchebag points from his list.

Bieber or die exclusive

The image says it all, but the video is here for your viewing pleasure as well:

Howard Stern on Precious Fatty

Howard Stern said what all of us were thinking about Gabourey Sidibe and actually, I’m surprised he’s the only one who’s said it publicly – especially the way he did so. The whole spiel is very un-Sternian in its lack of crudeness and cruelty. He really just says the truth: she’s unhealthily huge and should change that and that Hollywood isn’t an industry-town that rewards obesity with acting roles. If you’re a big fat fatty in Hollywood, you can be a comedian or a one-shot role player and Gabby is the latter. It’s not mean to point that out – it’s mean to lead her on by pretending she’s going to move on to an illustrious career after this. eek.

Which is not to say that she’s gonna vanish immediately either. duh. not after all the buzz on her. Actually, I hear she has been given a role in the Showtime series The C Word and a role in a feature called Yelling to the Sky, so ya, she’ll have some kind of a wave to ride at least. But staying that size isn’t going to make that surf a long one. just makes sinking inevitable.

Stern also made the same Gabourey/Cabaret song acknowledgment that I’ve been saying to myself every time I hear her name, so I liked having that validated as a reference.

Spousal abuse is funny when the dude is the victim

I like how Chris Brown beats Rihanna over cheating allegations and he’s a monster but Tiger’s wife beats him over cheating allegations and she’s a strong independent woman standing up for herself.

SNL did a “my wife is beating the shit out of me, oh no’z” skit which is featured below, and yet is not as humorous as the fact that this weeks musical guest was in fact… Rihanna….

UPDATE: I just saw that the director of the National Council Against Domestic Violence told TMZ she’s “horrified” by the skit.

Preserve Cyrus…

I’m not comfortable with this Miley Cyrus sexualization thing going on. While I’m 100% in favor of marketing hot jailbait as such, there are rules and requirements and Miley is just a cute little girl. she’s not sexually attractive. she looks and acts like a kid. that’s not cool. Britney Spears when she was 16? by all means – make us want to break the law and get up awn that. bitch be fine. But cool it on Miley you guys, c’mon.

Sources Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013: Unless Americans turn to alternative sources of entertainment, the ‘Hannah Montana’ star will soon be completely tapped out.

FINALLY a Simpsons Halloween Special BEFORE Halloween!

AT LAST my monkey paw wish was granted! ALAS, it came with a price…

Not that big a price though. about as bad as the turkey sandwich Homer wished for being “a little dry”. For years Simpsons fans had the magic of the annual Simpsons Halloween special ruined by being too late. This year, finally that was fixed, but at the cost of it coming too early.

There have been 20 Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Halloween Specials, and unforgivably, 8 of the most recent ones were broadcast after Halloween. I was so mad at this recent history and so pleased with the series return to sanity that I went and looked up the original airdates for every single Simpsons Halloween special. I thought it would have been slightly more spotty, but no: as you can see, the “dark age” started in the year 2000 and lasted up until last year:

  1. I · October 25, 1990
  2. II · October 31, 1991
  3. III · October 29, 1992
  4. IV · October 28, 1993
  5. V · October 30, 1994
  6. VI · October 29, 1995
  7. VII · October 27, 1996
  8. VIII · October 26, 1997
  9. IX · October 25, 1998
  10. X · October 31, 1999
  11. XI · November 1, 2000
  12. XII · November 6, 2001
  13. XIII · November 3, 2002
  14. XIV · November 2, 2003
  15. XV · November 7, 2004
  16. XVI · November 6, 2005
  17. XVII · November 5, 2006
  18. XVIII · November 4, 2007
  19. XIX · November 2, 2008
  20. XX · October 18, 2009

OUTRAGEOUS! infuriating and unacceptable. at least this generation will not have to suffer the indignity of trying to get in the Halloween spirit up to a motherfkking WEEK after the god damn holiday, and at least the 3 stories were of a Halloween nature instead of the bullshit science-fiction/just weird nature of the crap that was fed to us during the dark ages…

This years episode is below:

In Defense of Seth Green

So there’s a video of Seth Green yelling at someone on set. big deal.
I’m annoyed because I clicked over to the video from a link that called it a “tantrum” and had lots of Green bashing comments, and indeed on youtube “Green is a douche” is the overwhelming sentiment. But just hold the hell on: lets examine the evidence here first…

Video of a guy yelling at someone is just that. Now, at the end he does something a little tantrumy that puts it over the line, but before that its just your run of the mill “you fucked up and you’re clearly not sorry about it at all, which i find extremely irritating and disrespectful” rant. The video does not show and does not make any claims in adjoining text anywhere on how it started, so wtf? How do we know the person getting yelled at didn’t start it or at least deserved it? There are a lot of stupid idiot arrogant smug jerkass self serving assholes on movie set staff. The gophers, the assistants, the prop guys: there is a straight 50/50 chance that any one of them will be competant and pleasant or completely horrible at life and apathetic about it and needs to get browbeaten and yelled at.

Again: the table + storm off is not the finest move. but there are not circumstances that could not justify them, so I’m waiting to hear them before passing condemnational judgment.

I’m also inclined to side with Seth in this brief, out of context clip because of the bullshit “hey man, chill out” physical contact. I hate that. there’s no reason for it. Green wasn’t getting violent and wasn’t, presumably, going into unhealthy or disturbingly nasty or long winded hate rants – he was telling someone what was up, so don’t try and pull this “hey, my healing touch will settle your mood” OR the more condescending “im going to step in and mother you right now even though you’re not wildly out of hand”. Green rejects the physical contact and tells him to back off, as he should have.

You people outside the business don’t realize what big important Hollywood stars like me and Seth Green have to deal with on a daily basis… Every celebrity yelling is not necessarily a tantrum.

I fully understand the penchant to view Seth Green as a total douchebag – he has everything working against him: he’s rich, he’s successful, he’s into nerd stuff, he’s short and when he plays a character on-screen, that character has mostly negative and douchie qualities. I get it. But these are not reasons to smear the real-life Seth Green, and I have reason to believe he is a normal and possibly even cool individual. If I’m wrong then fine, but out of context yelling does not a douchebag make, and I will defend that notion to the death (or at least till there are signs of injury, then I bail. but before then: I’m fighting god dammit).

Besides: there is always the (in my opinion, likely) possibility that this, with its convenient timing/editing and quick ending, is a total setup and all you attackers are playing right into a viral marketing scheme. I did recently hear him on the Dennis Miller radio show plugging a partnership with Butterfinger candybars, though idk how that specifically would enter into a video like this where no candy is visible or present, but that could be a later-reveal too.

I give the following odds of liklihood: 53% staged, 45% Seth was right, 2% Seth’s reaction was an unjustifiable crybaby tantrum.
Anyone wanna bet with me?…

UPDATE: BAM baby. Good thing no one bet me, cuz I’d own yo azzes. The video was a preview of the Butterfinger promo site http://www.dudewheresmybar.com featuring Mr Green.

I stand by everything I said in the original post, including the defense of Green under the supposition that it was a real tantrum caught on tape (which I only gave a 45% liklihood). EAT IT SUCKERS!